Fun With Idioms and Funny Sayings

I didn't realize how much fun language barriers could be until I began to sport around with idioms. It was the first time that I had to tell Kristina to "put a sock in it". She replied with a bewildered face and in her Ukrainian accent, Vwut does this mean poot a szock in it?" I said, "you know, 'put a cork in it'." She said what is this "cork" and "put it in what?" "You know, zip it up!" She (still bewildered) looks down at her zipper. "No, put a lid on it." And on it went. I have taken some sort of sick pleasure in this and torture her all the time with American idioms. I can't help myself.

The kids think that they are far smarter than me and their mother. And so their foolish devices never cease to amaze me. It is a full time job with over time to keep on top of it all. At first I thought they simply do not understand logic. But the fact is they are born with a working knowledge of logic. They simply think that we don't understand logic.

Me: "Stop doing that."
Them: "I wasn't doing that."
Me: "So my eyes are playing tricks on me?"

Me:"Come here."
Them: "I am here."
Me: "Well you weren't when I called you!"

They are good at semantics too.

Me: "Why didn't you rinse the dishes before you loaded them into the dish washer?"
Them: "I did."
Me: "Well did someone put food back on them when you got done?"
Them: "Well, I did rinse two of them."

This can be fun too if you don't let it get to you. So I told Kristina that I have your number. After a few days of telling Kristina that I "had her number", and her still not understanding what I meant, but kinda feeling like it was an idiom, she finally said out of frustration, "Well if you have my number, What is it?" Without hesitation Joshua said, "I'll tell you what it is: 666!"

We were walking down to the pool and Samuel asked Leslie what the difference was between an atom bomb and a hydrogen bomb. Her reply to him was, "Son, this may come as a surprise, but as amazing as your mother may seem, I am not a nuclear physicist!"

While we were in Sears waiting to get a battery fixed Samuel was acting guinely annoying and boumcing off the walls of the waiting room. He noticed a sign posted on the wall that said "Die Hard." He said, "Look mom, I have to do what it says: die hard! Without lifting her eyes from the book she was reading, she replied "why don't you find a sign that says, "Sit down and shut up"?