Fun With Idioms and Funny Sayings

I didn't realize how much fun language barriers could be until I began to sport around with idioms. It was the first time that I had to tell Kristina to "put a sock in it". She replied with a bewildered face and in her Ukrainian accent, Vwut does this mean poot a szock in it?" I said, "you know, 'put a cork in it'." She said what is this "cork" and "put it in what?" "You know, zip it up!" She (still bewildered) looks down at her zipper. "No, put a lid on it." And on it went. I have taken some sort of sick pleasure in this and torture her all the time with American idioms. I can't help myself.

The kids think that they are far smarter than me and their mother. And so their foolish devices never cease to amaze me. It is a full time job with over time to keep on top of it all. At first I thought they simply do not understand logic. But the fact is they are born with a working knowledge of logic. They simply think that we don't understand logic.

Me: "Stop doing that."
Them: "I wasn't doing that."
Me: "So my eyes are playing tricks on me?"

Me:"Come here."
Them: "I am here."
Me: "Well you weren't when I called you!"

They are good at semantics too.

Me: "Why didn't you rinse the dishes before you loaded them into the dish washer?"
Them: "I did."
Me: "Well did someone put food back on them when you got done?"
Them: "Well, I did rinse two of them."

This can be fun too if you don't let it get to you. So I told Kristina that I have your number. After a few days of telling Kristina that I "had her number", and her still not understanding what I meant, but kinda feeling like it was an idiom, she finally said out of frustration, "Well if you have my number, What is it?" Without hesitation Joshua said, "I'll tell you what it is: 666!"

We were walking down to the pool and Samuel asked Leslie what the difference was between an atom bomb and a hydrogen bomb. Her reply to him was, "Son, this may come as a surprise, but as amazing as your mother may seem, I am not a nuclear physicist!"

While we were in Sears waiting to get a battery fixed Samuel was acting guinely annoying and boumcing off the walls of the waiting room. He noticed a sign posted on the wall that said "Die Hard." He said, "Look mom, I have to do what it says: die hard! Without lifting her eyes from the book she was reading, she replied "why don't you find a sign that says, "Sit down and shut up"?

A Few Miscellaneous Funny Sayings of Late

I have been working on structuring the kids reading time, i.e. taking out the junk food and replacing it with a little more sustenance. Kristina is now walking around with my large American Heritage Dictionary. I hope I haven't over done it. Samuel was assigned The Foxes Book of Martyrs. He came to me after having gotten a few chapters under his belt and said, "Dad this book is a bit depressing. Everybody that I have read about so far has died." So much for my previous introductory lesson on what a martyr is.

Leslie and I were having a discussion on something I read by Augustine on consecrated virgins and Joshua walking by said, "By the way who was that person called Attila the 'Nun?'

As we were talking about our lunch options Kristina, still struggling a little with the language a bit, suggested that we eat at a favorite Mexican place of ours Tijuana Flats. She accidentally said "Marijuana Flats"!

Who's Bo?

I once had a dog named Bo. I have heard of a singer named Bo. And now there is a mysterious and stinky person that goes by the name of "Bo". Well, not really.

Our car is shrinking! Or maybe its the kids that are growing. Whatever the case, we have a bit of a problem. There are seven mouths, fourteen armpits, fourteen feet, and seven--well you know what! All of which, if not properly maintained, emit certain foul smells. Crammed into the car the other day, I pointed out that someone forgot to put deoderant on and how with all of us on top of one another for our commute each day, everyone needs to be really conscious about B.O. Well this talk about "B.O." eventually led our confused Joshua to a point of frustration at which time he intensely exclaimed, "Who is this Bo anyways???"

This brings to mind another time that a not so pleasant fragrance filled the car. Someone ran over a skunk on the highway. Kristina had never heard of or smelled a skunk before. So she shouts, "Ew! What's that smell?" "It's a skunk," Leslie explained and followed up with a lesson on how skunks use this odor to protect themselves and scare away predators. Kristina contemplated this for a few moments, quickly covered her mouth and nose with her shirt, and asked, "Do they kill with it? Can it kill you?" Leslie explained that though the smell might make you want to die, there's nothing lethal about it.

You know, there are a few things that parents just shouldn't have to hear, such as: "Don't put your athletes foot on me! (It wasn't athletes foot but medicine for a corn problem on one of the boys' feet by the way.) "Put your tooth away. It stinks!" (This being in the context of someone loosing the last of their baby teeth.) And (after correcting the B.O. problem), "Here smell my pits now!" This is simply not an option. Neither is "Smell my breath." One only makes these mistakes once. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say--Until Children

This post will be occasionally updated as thing happen in life and things come to mind:
(1)"Stop pointing at peoples moles!"
(2)Before we realized it we would say "You better start being have!" It dawned on us one day that this in nonsensical. The word is behaving.