Thursday, May 14, 2009

Seeking the Source

The end of the school year is always a whirlwind for teachers, but I have mixed emotions this time around. I have been challenged more professionally, mentally, and spiritually this year than in any of my other years of teaching. I have found God in the challenges that came with relocating to Mississippi.

One of my sweet colleagues noticed I was a bit quieter and introspective today at lunch and commented, "Leslie, I can't imagine what you'd be like if you didn't have all these pressures on you. I wish you hadn't had to struggle with the transition." I assured her that they were more of a blessing to me than I could ever be to them (so true), but I was thankful for the struggles of the past year. It's important for me to remember where my strength and security resides. I wouldn't trade this year's challenges for anything.

School will be out in eight days. In eight days I will know if we're moving back to Florida or staying in Mississippi. My heart is torn over the possibilities. Not so long ago, I was missing our little house in Florida. I was missing our friends. I was missing our home church. I was missing the familiarity of our routine.

Nothing went smoothly when we moved here. We lost our beloved cat Jack. Our original housing plans fell through. We had one financial set back after the next with unexpected medical and mechanical bills. I searched for God where I couldn't make sense of things. He used the challenges to draw me to Him slowly. In the midst of the chaos, I found He was the only stable thing. Clinging to that security gave me great liberty and I came to love that which drew me to Him, good and bad.

Ten months later, I love teaching here. I love my colleagues. I love the community I serve. I love the possibilities I see for orphan ministry here. I love Mississippi. For quite some time I cried out and begged God to give us a way to stay. And then I considered the possibility that this calling to Mississippi was just for a season. Perhaps it has been a learning experience and a temporary bit of Utopia. I stopped asking to stay and started asking for His will to be done. I understand now that I will only find joy and security in His perfect will - and that is good enough for me.

So for those of you so inclined, please pray that God's will would be done in the next few days and that I will praise Him for it - whether that send us back to Florida or keeps us in Mississippi.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
And whose trust is the LORD.
"For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes;
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit.
-Jeremiah 17:7-8


Lorraine said...

prayers going out.

Tami said...

Praying for you. You know we've gone through the same struggle...the same adjustments...the same final acceptance and then having to make a gut wrenching decision. We understand your confusion and stand with you in prayer. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

there might be over 100,000 orphans in the Ukraine, but only a small fraction (less than 5%) have the proper paperwork that is required by the US State department for Adoption Visas. With "so many" orphans in the Ukraine, you still have sick adoption agencies like Partners for Adoption that specialize in Ukraine Surrogacy Adoption, where American couples can rent the womb of a poor Ukrainian woman and CREATE more children.
In contrast the USA has 150,000 children that are paper ready in our foster care program looking for a forever family.
look at the photo listing, adopting domestically you avoid the huge costs and can monitor the legalities better than say 4,000 miles away. The "grey areas" of International Adoption are there.

Cindy said...

Praying here,

Buck Family said...

Wow. That is quite a struggle, yet so awesome how you can see God's hand in it. Change is so hard. I pray God would show you His will in all of it and that you would feel peace about whatever the decision may be. God bless.

The Kaysers said...

God is good and so glad to hear how He has worked through your circumstances this past year. And God bless your future, wherever it may be! Jen

Vicki said...

I am praying that you and Robert will receive clear answers from the Lord. Who can understand His ways? Yet, we know that He loves us more tenderly that we can possibly imagine and is working out his truly good purpose in our lives. Many blessings to you all!

MamaPoRuski said...

Sorry this is late, but I am praying! I love following you and your heart for God! I know God is faithful, he will continue to bring the good work he has begun in you until the day of completion! HUGS!