Sunday, May 31, 2009

Greetings from . . .



Much to my chagrin, I made an ironic observation this past week. We have a cat. Her name is Jetta and she is very much her own animal. She is not like our Jack cat who would allow us to scoop him up and nuzzle him. She pretty much does her own thing and believes she is blessing us with her presence if she simply passes through the room we're located in. And while Jetta has a list of things she does not appreciate (like nuzzling), there is one thing that truly freaks of her out: the car. We've been back and forth between Mississippi and Florida several times in the last eleven months. Each time, Jetta is packed away in the pet carrier and secured in the rear of the vehicle. Nevertheless, she proceeds to meow her protests. For hours. Like for eight of the eleven hour drive. When Robert was driving to Florida by himself back in March, I called every few hours to check on him and in the background I could hear Jetta fussing with a monotonous stream of "meow, meow, meow, meow".

The funny thing is, Jetta hated Mississippi. She loves our house in Florida and the familiar territory. When Robert arrived at the house and let her out of the carrier she was happy as could be. She recognized home and rolled around on the sidewalk to show her appreciation for being there.

Listening to Jetta's protests on the drive back to Florida earlier this week, I thought to myself, "If you would just shut up already, I'm taking you to a place you'll like better. You'll be happy when you get there. Trust me!" I was suddenly struck with the realization that I'm a lot like that stubborn cat.

Although my last post promised that I would find joy in whatever direction God sent us, the realization that we would have to leave Mississippi hit me hard. I wept, grieved, and questioned God. I have never prayed more or sought God more than I have in the last few weeks. But when God's will was revealed, I failed to embrace it gracefully. We sat in our home church this morning and I just cried. This was the same place I cried over leaving eleven months ago. Now I was crying because God had sent me back? I think my grief has more to do with not understanding why. A large part of my rebellious nature wants to demand an explanation from God. And I grieve over the fact that my heart is like that. I want to understand things, not necessarily trust God. Could He have something better planned here for us? I fail to see that even when I know how good and gracious He is by nature. I tend to just sit there and meow my protests from the backseat. Pray for me.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
-Proverbs 3:5-6


8 comments:

U said...

Welcome home, my friend. I look forward to biking with the Landrum clan again. I rode up last last week (20 miles RT) just to get ready.

Sheryl said...

I must confess. I am just like Jetta too. Most of the time I'll be obedient, but compolain all the way.

MamaPoRuski said...

Hmmm... we are thinking of going to Florida for the first time in our lives-willing to move there if that is what God wants...Even knowing the "why" doesn't make it easier! HUGS!

Karen said...

Wow. I feel like you just shared my story. I struggle with trusting God and asking "why" many, many times. I will most definately be praying for you and your family as you make the adjustment and seek to know Him more.

Scribbling Suit said...

I hear echoes of my story and my attitude in your story. Our text this Sunday was Proverbs 3 and I was struck again at how little I trust and rely on God and how foolish I am to rely on my own limited understanding. We want the whys answered more than anything as if God must reveal his will to us for our approval. Praying for peace for you, dear friend.

Debbie said...

God will turn those meows of yours to purrs soon, I'm sure. :-) Thank you for sharing your life with us. Can't wait to see what God has in store for you next! (Sure wish you had moved to Colorado, though.)

Tami said...

Ouch! I think you just pricked my conscious with that one! :) Thanks for the reminder. I think God is teaching more than one of us that lesson. ;)
I am still asking God WHY He wanted us to move all the way to Wyoming for just ten months. While I want to learn from the experience, the truth is I will probably never fully understand it, but thanks to you and Jetta I'm going to try to work on the 'meowing' part of the questioning. ;)

Goes On Runs said...

the kids and i will be in florida at the beginning of august. could we see you?